Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson in Sindh – II-b

Dial S for Sherlock

By Abdul Haleem Brohi

… continued from the previous post.

The Law Enforcing Species

“We are doing what we are supposed to be doing,” said the official in charge of the species. We get over orders from up there and we execute them. We go at it with a zeal and enthusiasm. No Mr. Holmes, our work is not appreciated by the Ts and Ds. We go elsewhere to get a pat on the back. No Mr. Holmes, I cannot part with that kind of information. If I did, I will have nowhere to go to get a pat on my back. Good day, Mr. Holmes, and good day Mr. er?”

“Watson,” I said, He smiled and I swooned away out of the Restricted Area, for the time being known as Sindh. “That was not the proper person to get swooned away from, Watson,” Sherlock said later.

Aboard Flight to London

“Watson,” Sherlock said, I looked around, and waited for any other Watson that might be aboard, to respond, there was none, so I said, “Yes?”

“Take a look at the land!”

Sherlock said, “The land that promises and delivers! The land that promises Here and delivers There! The land that no one would stay on if there were a way to get away from! The land that reminds us of how lucky we Britishers are to have got away in time! The land that reminds me of how lucky I would have been, but for Mrs. Holmes! The land that reminds me of Mrs. Holmes as if she were not my wife! I am coming, dear, I am coming! Now hark, Watson, and listen to me explain the intricacies of detection and logic for the benefit of your readers. Is it not wonderful, Watson, how henpecked and pampered we get by the wives we hate!”

Sherlock Explains the Hunches

“ I was already aware that the World Terrorists and Dacoits Association is an international organisation with its headquarters somewhere in Sindh. And I already knew that for its aims, objects, and modus operandi, it drew heavily on those of the Professional Women’s Association. And I knew that all that the two Associations differ in is the modus Vivendi to settle the way the ladies want the men to dress.”

“And I had a hunch that, but for that difference, the Professional Women’s Association would not have set up the World Terrorists and Dacoits Association as a separate body. But I had my doubts as I could not trust my hunches including you because of your moustache which reminds me of you-know-whom.”

“One look at the President of the Women’s Association confirmed the validity of the hunch that the World Terrorists and Dacoits Association was merely a front for the Professional women’s Association. Now all that I needed was some proof, some concrete evidence! And of that I had none!”

“Deductive Logic was of no avail in this matter of venomous persecution. Nor was Inductive Logic, Syllogistic ladders neither came down nor went up. They just flew at tangents leaving me aghast looking at those poor should, Ts and Ds!”

“It was astrology I had to call upon. I consulted an ephemeris and erected horoscopes of all the Ts and Ds that were on the run from the law enforcing species. I discovered that all of them had their Saturn in Aquarius, that was something to go on with the hunches, with a little jam and butter on the side.”

“Now every astrologer worth a nickel in his pocket knows that Saturn is the planet of old age, sorrow, grief, repentance, and persecution, and is programmed to stay in Aquarius till well into 1993. I found myself up against a wall as I did not know what to do further.”

“I informed the President of the Ts and Ds that I had traced the venomous persecution to the presence of Saturn in the house of Aquarius, and he accordingly asked for the number of the house, name of the street, etc, and the zip number. Now I was up against another wall, albeit human, and therefore dangerous. Don’t tell Mrs. Holmes, but I really got scared!”

“Suddenly I remembered my mother-in-law! And suddenly everything was crystal clear to me! The mothers-in-law of the poor miserable Ts and Ds! The venomous persecution could only have been done by the mothers-in-law. Immediately contacted the mothers-in-laws of the Ts and Ds and discovered them to be as innocent as the babes in the wood, though I wondered what the hell the babes were up to in the woods!”

“My only hope of getting mothers-in-laws in the crime evaporated, I cried and wept and prayed to God to forget my body and strengthen my soul as in this Islamic State of Pakistan body is as useless as a distant relative on wife’s side.”

“Needless to say in this Islamic State of Pakistan, god heard me and I found myself in the presence fo the mothers-in-law of the law enforcing species whom I discovered as of the most amicable nature that comes as accompanied baggage. “

“Full the brim of their large hearts for love, affection, and goodwill for their own dear sons-in-law, I wished mine was like them!”

“Suddenly a dark thought crossed my mind that something was amiss! The venomous persecution traditionally attributed to mothers-in-laws! Where was that! That was when I realized that I had been duped by both sets of the mother-in-law, of them poor Ts and Ds and of them species also!”

“I went to look up the President of the Professional women’s association just for the fun of it, and got fortified in my conviction that the Association of the Ts and Ds was just a front, thanks to her looking like a fort!”

“The fort reminded me of the mothers-in-laws of both the warring sets, that is, of the Ts and Ds on the one hand, and of the law enforcing species on the other, and I sat down to draw horoscopes of all of them mothers-in-law including mine one too.”

“And lo! There that were, both sets of mothers-in-law with mine too! Sitting besides Saturn in the house of Aquarius and counseling Saturn to strike and hit both the sets of sons-in-law including me too! I needed no further proof, and I informed the President of the Terrorists and Dacoits accordingly, who accordingly ordered his yeomen to open fire on Saturn and rob the house of Aquarius of whatever it housed.”

The law enforcing species, having come to know of the real facts, dispatched a rocket into space to scan the house of Aquarius and blast Saturn out of the sky, with special instruction to salvage as many mothers-in law as possible as the worked would not be fun without them, whereupon I voiced my dissent, It  is all on the tape, and anyone interested can listen to the dissent at the NASA.”

PS 1: I have reproduced this article as I found it in my father's belongings. This was written and published in some newspaper in early nineties. But I have no source to confirm this. My sole purpose of reproducing it here is to preserve it in electronic form as my father would have wanted it.

PS 2: No change has been made to the original text, hence a missing word. The continuation would be posted soon.